please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
