So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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