Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
