More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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