dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love accidental penises.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
