sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
