You smell like stripper and shame
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
