those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
