I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was like eating out sand paper
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
