Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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