I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
God, I missed his penis.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
