i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
