my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
