Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We were destined to go to rehab together
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
