The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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