my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
