The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
