shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
