True but thats because hes a fetus.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
