I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are