dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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