I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you inspire me to be a worse person
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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