Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
