I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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