i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
