i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
