We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
