There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i will never coherently bang her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
