Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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