my vag is so smooth its legendary
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
