He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
