do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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