I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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