Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
