____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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