Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
