I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
