I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
