WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
