I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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