just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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