i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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