dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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