You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
