i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
