That's when you crack a 10am beer
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
