Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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