I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
