Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
