Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone came in the potted fern
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize