i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think i have two assholes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize