we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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