The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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