Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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