Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
