She went from zero to smokin in five shots
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
