we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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