Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's shark week go big or go home
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
