Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
