there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she told me i tasted like america
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
