Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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