I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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