Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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