well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
