The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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