I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
