i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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