being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
