Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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