since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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