i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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