My sheets look like a crime scene.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
