return my video game
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
