I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think people are normalizing furries
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
